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Archive for April 5th, 2010

Moving Past the Light

Yesterday was summer like at my home in Casco, Maine – temperatures in the eighties, with a warm breeze, light thin clouds dancing above at 20,000 feet. Yet, it being April, the land itself hasn’t begun to express its summer song. The trees are still bare. There are no biting little critters flying about. Atop the hill, the rock I sit on and meditate with is warm and welcoming. I say meditate with because the rock isn’t just an object for me to contemplate. It isn’t just physical matter. It isn’t just a tool to sit on while I reach for intellectual constructs to banter about in my mind. The rock and I are in relationship, one to the other.

As I sit on the rock rooting into the ground beneath, I use the darkness inside of myself and inside the rock as a channel to reaffirmed my roots to mother Earth. I don’t envision the roots as tendrils of “light” to “make” this connection. Light is illusion. It shows us little of the world around us. What we see with our eyes is but the reflection of light off from the surface of another object. We see nothing of its past, future, nor more importantly, we see nothing of its inner nature. When we use our eyes for connection we only have the most shallow surface experiences. Learning to craft connection without light affords us the potential for much deeper relationships. We go from the mundane to the spiritual simply by learning to “see” without light. It is the difference between looking at a picture of a strawberry and the experience of touching, smelling, tasting, ingesting and digesting the exquisite fruit. So my work of crafting relationship, of rooting, connecting, learning to touch, hear, see and experience nature, isn’t one based upon seeking the light. It is just the opposite. I achieve this through working with the darkness that is within the all. Darkness is primary force of nature. Nearly 100% of nature is darkness. And as a druid, my work is to connect to the land, the people and the gods; seeking the exchange of the life energy we call awen. Having realized that most of reality is held within the darkness, it is there I seek the soul to soul connections that bring the flow of sacred awen.

So sitting on this warm grey rock, I find the connection that feeds my soul. It a relationship of breathing with the Earth – not oxygen-based lung breathing, but a different form of inspiration and exhalation. It is a breathing which is the mutual exchange of life energy. And to me this life energy isn’t about color or light. It is about potentiality held within the night, within that endless darkness of Nature herself.

When speaking of meditation, we often envision a mental process. We still the mind and are able to reach out from a place of stillness to find a deeper experience. We experience our sense of self retreat and realize the interconnection we share with all the universe. This isn’t enough. Realization while powerful isn’t enough. It is still confined to the mind. We are reaching out from an internal place, the observer and the observed. I am drawn to go deeper.

Sitting still on the rock, soul breathing with the Earth, I moved passed the “idea” of connection, of simple awareness of the world around me. My meditation moved to a new level, one of simply ” feeling”, perhaps “being” is a better word. It was a place of experiencing edges touching, dancing and combining with other edges. It wasn’t a place of stillness and peace. It wasn’t an experience of the center but one of the edges. It was filled chaos and potentiality swirling, life’s creation coming into and out of being – life energy merging with and separating with other life energy, both destructive and creative at the same moment. I say moment as I don’t think this is a place within the field of time. Time seemed left out of the equation. It most certainly wasn’t filled with “light”. It was completely held within the darkness, within the unlimited potential of empty space and the endless expanse of the void.

It is difficult to put these experiences into words. What I feel like is I made a step forward in crafting and communing with the dark goddess, of moving into an experience of deity that is beyond words. I touched her briefly and it has opened a door from which to craft a deeper experience of deity, to commune with the divine dark mother of chaos we call the dark goddess even as the sun god pours down upon me endless waves of light.

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