Archive for April 14th, 2009


I arrived at work today more awake than usual. There is an irritation inside of me spurring alertness. Writing to my dear grovemate this morning, I realized just what the issue is. It is the whole paradigm of modern life. It is a broken structure. And broken things need to be mended or discarded.

Within this modern paradigm for the day to day living we all do, I find that I am never alone. I never get alone time – maybe once a month for a couple of hours while my wife goes shopping or something. It isn’t my wife that is the issue here. She doesn’t get much alone time either. We are always busy trying to get all the things done that is required for us to have a home and a job so we never seem to have extended periods of quiet personal time. This is unnatural and it eats at me and I know it eats at her as well.

How can we know what we want to do in life if we never have downtime enough to sort through the options? Also I often feel like I can’t truly be myself as I don’t have time to pull down the facades (the facades that are required to play the various roles in life that I play) to see who I really am. Quiet alone time is the only way to figure some things out, to find my inner truth. I know “inner truth” isn’t removed from relationship. But we also have our relationship to ourselves to consider in life.

I often fantasize about being wealthy. The reason I want to be wealthy is so that I have free time. I don’t care about riches; I just want time. I would work just as much. But the work I would be doing, would be living a life perfectly entwined with the daily rhythms of nature. I once half-joked (in a slightly more vulgar manner) that the important things in life are sex, good food, and music. I think that is actually spot on. And amazingly enough, Nature is filled with all of these.

Part of me thinks we just need to bring spiritual awareness into the corporations. Then I think, “no, it is that the structures we have built have to come down.” We need to remake the our societies so that people are not resources to be used. We need to build economies and communities so that each person has the opportunity to touch Nature and find connection to the ecology of their home and landscape. I think perhaps we spend too much energy trying to make a failed system work – if I bring a plant into my cube, my work environment will improve. That is true and I love my plants here. But the truth is, my soul yearns to be in the wild. My soul yearns to be in my garden caring for the food that will nourish me on a level money can’t approach. The real issue isn’t the plant. It is the cube. We all work jobs, knowingly setting aside precious time so that we can have food and shelter, and hopefully a few hours during the week to ourselves to try to repair the broken connections to our environment, to Nature. This paradigm doesn’t server us well. And as we all know, it doesn’t server Nature very well either.

I told my grovemate that as much as I love to spend time with her, I highly support her being “selfish” and taking all the time she can for herself to be alone in the woods. This modern life is f#@king crazy. A thousand years ago, life was quiet, lit only by fire and the sun. Everyone had alone time. Being in the woods was the most natural thing in the world. Today it is a luxury. I am sick of it. I want a love affair with the Queen of Fey, Mistress of the Forest. I want to be immersed in Nature so that I can learn what it is to be a human being living on the Earth, to live in connection with the cycles and tides of life. There are gods of Nature and gods of human nature. Today we are subservient to the gods of human nature (particularly the gods of trade and technology) and subservience is no way to live.

Koyaanisqatsi”  – a Hopi word that means, “crazy life, life in turmoil, life out of balance, life disintegrating, a state of life that calls for another way of living” – this is where we find ourselves. This is our inheritance. We need a new paradigm for the day to day living. We need to build a new way of being in the world. Life is short and I am not going to settle for living my days out in the rat race, yearning for Nature from my cube and my car. I am going to build a better life.

I am going to become a farmer.

Read Full Post »